I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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