i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
