Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you had me at cake vodka
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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