fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
