i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
