All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
