I want to stick my p in your. b.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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