pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
