i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
