There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
