Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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