dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
