I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
