Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
