why do cheetos always look like penises
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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