Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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