I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
