I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
