Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
