dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
please don't ironically join a cult
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