tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
