woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
