On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
