He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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