ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
