i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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