Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
