Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
