She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
