I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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