so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
