WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
