got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
