My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
