My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
