So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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