Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
