You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
