I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
