Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
