I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
