just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
