I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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