you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I deserve this hangover.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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