We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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