just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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