Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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