we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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