The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
