she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
