We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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