That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
