Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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