He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
