I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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