shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
