When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
These tits shall not be calmed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize