you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My feet surprised me
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