I don't think brook has ever known best
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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