non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
