talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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