I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
