You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
