Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
