Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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