Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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