I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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