you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
