Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
