Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
