bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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