I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize