How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize