dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
