I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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