Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
