alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize