Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
