Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
