why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
where are my eyebrows?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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