OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
