I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
