I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
