You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
