I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
