I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
