my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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