I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
