i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
