I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So many bounce houses so little time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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