RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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