Soap is not a condiment
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
