I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A bitchslap is in order.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
